I wonder if it is earlier in the process of realizing this idea than I thought. Maybe it needs more development. Usually, when I have an idea, I rush it into production. And it has not really mattered before because everything was part of a massive survey of information. I only needed a rough test of something to catalog it and move on.

But this is different. Of course I have ideas about the best way to apply this, but I do not actually know. The idea is so big it could be applied in any of a million ways. Maybe the thing to do is solicit help from people I know to develop the idea rather than apply it directly with them right away. Maybe Iā€™m in an early stage of marketing.

Part of what has driven me before is not knowing where I was going to sleep or what I was going to eat in the meantime. It drives me still. Not having the ability, with my feet broken, to fall back on some form of craftsmanship to support myself steps up my level of necessity to break through. It makes me think I need to develop/produce the darkness idea faster, that there must be some way right now to apply it profitably for all concerned. It is very confusing.

The next few days will tell, I guess. Boy.

Written on September 9, 2009